This week I had an extremely frustrating moment with one of my children while helping with the math lesson. It didn’t make sense why they couldn’t understand the concept of the question. I was even making it to the point where the answer was SO OBVIOUS that I could feel myself becoming angry when it wasn’t quickly figured out. That’s just real life, folks.
And as I sat there, with my blood pressure rising and biting my tongue from saying cruel things, I felt anger toward myself for even being angry. Do you know why I’m sharing this? Because at the end of the day, we can all put on a good show for social media or in front of our friends, but when no one is watching…when no one is there to impress…when you are in the harder moments of homeschooling, THAT’S when it is REAL.
I share this so that you can understand homeschool moms are not some angelic beings from another world. We are still human beings with experiences that have shaped who we are today and how we respond to difficult situations. When we ask God for something like guidance, wisdom, patience, discernment, HELP…whatever it may be…He’s not going to just plop it into our laps, as nice and easy as that may sound. Instead, He will hear our prayers and answer them, but it may be in a way we didn’t see coming.
He sees you as a whole person…not part homeschool mom, part wife, part co-worker, daughter, sister, aunt, friend. He sees YOU and loves YOU, with all your imperfections and dirty cobwebs yet to be cleaned out or broken hinges to fix. And He HAS still called you for this time. When you ask God to help you, it’s not going to always be a simple fix. As we grow in Him, the challenges will come and go, but when we struggle it doesn't mean we are failing. It is much bigger than that, but in an amazing way!
IF you can see things as a bigger picture, you may begin to see some connections.
Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, or email at courtney@imperfectlypollyanna.com
Hey there! Welcome to the Imperfectly Pollyanna Podcast where we talk about real life, always imperfect but always finding the good whether in faith, homeschooling, or overall life. I am your host, Courtney, a faith filled homeschool mom of 2, licensed medical professional, certified health coach and eternal optimist. I’m so glad you’re here!
This week I had an extremely frustrating moment with one of my children while helping with the math lesson. It didn’t make sense why they couldn’t understand the concept of the question. I was even making it to the point where the answer was SO OBVIOUS that I could feel myself becoming angry when it wasn’t quickly figured out. That’s just real life, folks.
And as I sat there, with my blood pressure rising and biting my tongue from saying cruel things, I felt anger toward myself for even being angry. Do you know why I’m sharing this? Because at the end of the day, we can all put on a good show for social media or in front of our friends, but when no one is watching…when no one is there to impress…when you are in the harder moments of homeschooling, THAT’S when it is REAL.
I share this so that you can understand homeschool moms are not some angelic beings from another world. We are still human beings with experiences that have shaped who we are today and how we respond to difficult situations. Many of us are juggling homeschooling with working full time, perhaps as a single parent, and there are weeks when I sit and think “I just need ONE day where I don’t need to be the mom or the medic or the wife.” When, in reality, one day wouldn’t really change how I am feeling on the inside. That’s something that has to be worked out while going THROUGH the hard moments and the frustration. Getting a full night’s sleep is FABULOUS and it does make a difference in our well-being. But the things that we still need to work out on the inside…the past experiences that wrecked us…the situations that broke us, caused us to be jaded, created ideas in our heads that were less than graceful of ourselves…those things that seem to have healed until you feel a crack that was lingering all these years later….THOSE THINGS are not going to go away and be fixed by a day off of being a mom, a wife, a co-worker, or any other hat we may wear.
Those things have to be healed from the inside out through time with the One who created you. The One who knows your imperfections and loves you despite them. He’s the One who called you to raise these children but to also pursue a path of putting Him first, trusting that He is in control and will equip you with the tools you need. This may mean you have some cobwebs that need cleared. You may not even realize the connection between your past or present insecurities, trauma, experiences and the way you feel or react in homeschooling. Really, I could say that about connections over life in general, but today? Today it is homeschooling.
I tend to try and find connections with life events in the same way my brain looks for the positive in the imperfections as a sort of survival mode. It’s the idea that SURELY there is a reason for the hard stuff! Parenting, in and of itself, is a gigantic ball of personal stretching in ways you never expected. When you decide to homeschool, it’s like taking a rubber band that has been stretched ALLLMOST to its breaking point and then stretched a bit more.
Everyone is going to be different because we’ve all gone through different things. But for me, it has meant bringing up insecurities of not being good enough. Hearing the words over in my head of people who I trusted and loved tell me that I wasn’t enough. Those words were what I THOUGHT I had gotten past UNTIL I started homeschooling. Telling myself “oh, you thought you could teach your child?? What were you thinking?!” or “you have no idea what you’re doing and your child will fail because of you…” Man, it’s hard hearing that but when it comes from yourself?? You can’t just walk away or stop listening because it’s not like there’s another human being hurting you and you can’t walk away from yourself.
Then there are moments when the anger creeps in. When you take a step back from a situation causing the negative emotions and really look at why you’re losing it…is it REALLY because the concept isn’t being grasped? Or is it something like you feeling like you’re failing the child because, after all, “if you were actually capable of teaching your kid then they would’ve gotten it by now”? Maybe it comes from a place of your own childhood, and either being told or feeling like you weren’t as smart as others. Maybe it’s something else that has to do with allowing other stresses to override your rational thoughts and compartmentalize. Sometimes I think the years of being in EMS has had such an effect on my non-work life that I have automatic responses that have been created and they come out at home. It could be after dealing with difficult people or having a traumatic call that I let those emotions trickle into other parts of my life. I don’t know. But what I DO know, is that in those moments when you’re losing it, that’s when you need to make a conscious decision to back up, take a breath, and see the bigger picture and where the emotions are coming from.
As I think about this, it circles back to how we are growing in our relationship with the Lord. Now, if you have chosen to homeschool from a secular point of view, this part won’t apply to you. But as a faith-based homeschool mom, it matters to me. We are homeschooling because it’s where we feel God has put us in this moment. For such a time as this.
Over the past several years, there have been many “ah-ha moments” for me as I have been searching to have a more intimate relationship with Jesus. As I have been connecting the dots through scripture as well as take what I’m learning and putting it into practice, it has brought a new realization that to progress and grow, there must be waters to cross. You pray for patience, and we all know that means you only get situations that test you to practice patience.
Therefore, if I pray for a closer walk with the Lord, there will be continuous moments of teaching and learning with hands-on experience. We cannot become holy if we still need to clean out some dirt. One way that the dirt may come out and be noticed is through being challenged in our homeschool.
When I sat with the kid mentioned earlier who was struggling to grasp a seemingly easy concept, I had to fight everything in me to not lash out. I had to remind myself that the child wasn’t going to learn any quicker or better by me allowing anger to take over. I also reminded myself that just because my child isn’t getting it doesn’t mean I can’t teach. It doesn’t mean anyone involved is doing anything wrong…that is, UNLESS I allow my frustrations to turn into sins against my children. By making them feel less than….like others have made me feel at different points of my life.
Raising these gifts we’ve been given is a chance to do better. It’s a chance to both heal from the past, letting it go, and lead the next generation. We can allow God to do the healing by walking beside us as we push through the uncomfortable things and pursue the purpose He has laid out.
Here’s where it gets fun…well, in a weird sort of way that maybe only I can see in my head…actually, whether it make sense or not, pretend your me for a second and jump into my train of thought, ok? Haha
When we ask God for something like guidance, wisdom, patience, discernment, HELP…whatever it may be…He’s not going to just plop it into our laps, as nice and easy as that may sound. Instead, He will hear our prayers and answer them, but it may be in a way we didn’t see coming. It MAY be in the little moments at home when we are left with no energy at the end of the day and just about the time our head hits the pillow, a child calls out. I pray to be more like Jesus but what would Jesus do in that situation? Would He huff and gripe about having to go be a parent? No. Sheesh, how many times have WE cried out to our Father? Can you imagine if God responded in the same way?
That doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to have bad days or bad attitudes. It doesn’t mean that when we snap at our kids out of frustration that we are suddenly back to the beginning of growing. In fact, if you feel guilty about your attitude or response to your kids, AND if you work to change that…then you are actually growing in the right direction!
Just as children develop and learn at different paces, so do we as believers. You may see another homeschool parent having it all together and either her children are SUPER well behaved or she is remaining calm in the midst of her kids acting a hot mess. You may think to yourself “welp, I’m not cut out for this because I don’t have it even halfway together and I’m completely failing my kid.”
NO. No you are not. You are not failing and you don’t have to even have HALF of it together to succeed. These moments are opportunities for you to GROW. They are moments to learn how to truly depend on God in order to walk the path you feel He has led you to go down.
He sees you as a whole person…not part homeschool mom, part wife, part co-worker, daughter, sister, aunt, friend. He sees YOU and loves YOU, with all your imperfections and dirty cobwebs yet to be cleaned out or broken hinges to fix. And He HAS still called you for this time. When you ask God to help you, it’s not going to always be a simple fix.
IF you can see things as a bigger picture, you may begin to see some connections. It may be that by homeschooling your child, you see education in a brand-new way from when you grew up. I know that I ENJOY learning now and am learning things I never even knew! I get to see the world through a child’s eyes with wonder and enjoyment. You may begin seeing your children in a new light when they’re learning in a way that works for them. Maybe it will be noticing what your kids are actually picking up on in the questions they ask and see the Lord actively working in THEIR lives!
When my kids ask questions and it sparks a whole conversation that dives us deeper into the topic, it encourages my spirit to know we are where we are supposed to be. When I become angry or frustrated, I am learning….ever so slowly, like a turtle crawling through mud, but I am learning to take a beat and force myself to redirect my OWN thoughts. It’s like when I had to learn how to control my anxiety so that it didn’t turn into a full-blown anxiety attack. It takes practice, hard work, and determination to be better every day.
Which is the same with homeschooling in general. We aren’t going to figure it out overnight. We will have the good with the not-so-good. And not only that, but we have to balance that with the fact that our children will continue to change in their ways of learning, attitudes, desires, etc as they grow. We are continuously evolving and that’s not a bad thing just because it is HARD at times!
I want to both challenge AND encourage you while also challenging myself. It isn’t good to stay stagnant. It is my desire to be refined but not just in one area of my life. We are WHOLE beings, and just like it’s important to have WHOLE body health, our spiritual body should be treated as a whole as well.
Now, you may be like “Courtney, you seem to be all over the place with today” and it might seem that way but hopefully you’ll see how the dots connect by the end.
We cannot compartmentalize when it comes to our spiritual selves. In order to be the best parents we can be, it means improving our whole self. In order to accomplish that, we need to realize that means being refined, and refining isn’t always pretty, perfect, and social media worthy.
In fact, it can be uncomfortable when we see the ugly side of ourselves looking back in the mirror. The parts that we either kept hidden or never truly saw as an issue. But here’s the thing! God believes in us…me and YOU…enough to take all that “junk” and create a beautiful instrument He can use to not only worship Him but lead the children He has given us for such a short time to raise them to be warriors for His kingdom! Doesn’t that just blow your mind?! I love the quote that says “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”
So no, we don’t have to be the perfect homeschool parent…if that’s what we are expecting from ourselves, we will inevitably be set up for failure. God doesn’t expect perfection…He creates it because of who HE is, not who WE are. And if He has called us to raise these warriors, He will not only give us the tools we need BUT He will also TEACH us HOW to use those tools…which then circles back in that to learn how to use the tools, we must go through the work, clean out the cobwebs, persevere, lean and trust completely in Him, and expect challenges. Nothing great was ever achieved without hard work. We expect our children to work hard at learning…but we need to be an example and show that we are equally working hard to better ourselves in everything.
Is this connecting yet?
In the moments when you feel yourself becoming angry, frustrated, worried…remind yourself that you have been chosen – not because of your perfection but despite it – and that means you have a purpose as a WHOLE person…and again, THAT means sometimes having all your imperfections brought to light.
When you’re in the middle of a tough day as a homeschooling family, give yourself some grace. Remember that there is something happening on a much larger scale than even your mind’s eye can comprehend.
After all of that, when the inner work is being done in us and we can recognize it on a bigger scale…guess what happens? Will everything be perfect? Ha. If only. However, something that WILL happen is actually several somethings…You will be stronger in your faith, your walk, your ability to push through new struggles. Not only that, but you will have made an ENORMOUS impact on those kiddos that have been watching you as you grew. What an example! I think it’s so important for kids to see that their parents have their own insecurities or issues and work through it. It not only shows them an example of how to deal with life and hardships, but it also shows that in the end it is about fully trusting in our Creator. We can read all the bible stories, go to all the church services and activities, listen to all the Christian music…and those things are all wonderful! After all, the Bible is our bread! But our kids will look to us and be impacted by how we handle our imperfections. We are the first visual example of Jesus…and the world is going to start coming through the bubble you wish you could keep them in. They will be exposed eventually. They will have hard emotions. Deal with heartbreak. Face financial hardships. Experience pain, confusion, anger, bitterness, resentment, and I pray they also experience the true joy and peace that only God can give. They first begin to see that in action through US. We will have the homeschool breakdowns…but there is SO MUCH MORE greatness to come. It isn’t ALWAYS hard. And we can fight through the hard to get to the good. To get to the precious moments of seeing our children excited to grasp that hard concept or the peace we have at the end of the day knowing it turned out better than we expected.
So, in those moments when you lose it…On those days when you’re questioning if this is where you should be or what you should be doing…it’s ok if your kids see you struggle. It’s ok to let them know that God is still working on you just like He’s working on them. Its OK to admit you lost it, to apologize, ask them for forgiveness, let them see you trying to be better. Pray together before you start your school day. Take time to include God in your discussions. This is a time when they’re not just learning what society expects them to know when they are out in the world as an adult….NOPE, this is also a time when they are learning life-long examples of how their parents never gave up being better….they’re learning how to admit when they’re wrong, when they need help, and where to go to find it.
It’s the big picture, friend. We have all been through different things that have shaped who we are as adults but also as parents. Let’s allow God to reach down deep inside of us, fix the spiritual person into who He desires us to be, and trust that this is ALL part of HIS plan…which is SO much better than trying to pack around all our baggage and stress while trying to do what? Raise Warriors 😊
I’m hoping this podcast finds those needing support or encouragement. If that’s you, you’ve found a friend! If you’ve connected to this episode in any way, I’d love you to share it with someone you know and care about. I hope you’ll continue showing up as we find the good together. Remember, you are loved and I am GLAD you’re here! See you next time!