Find me on Facebook, Instagram, or email to courtney@imperfectlypollyanna.com
Before we get going today, I wanted to share a very special happening coming this Sunday, December 12th at 7pm CST. I’ll be going live on YouTube with The C.R.O.S.S., which stands for “Christian Reactions on Sociable Saints.” We will be talking about our children, taking them and their education back, as well as much more. I am really excited about this opportunity and would love if you came and said hi, participated in the discussion, and offered support. Here's the link:
Ok, so I feel like my head has been so busy lately. Or rather my mind. When I’m driving in the car, lying in bed, reading, watching tv, talking to my kids or husband, at work, no matter where I am or what I’m doing, there are so many thoughts constantly whirling around that I find it next to impossible to focus on the thing at hand. In fact, I have told my family that unless you make it a point to grab my attention, then I will likely not remember anything they’ve said.
This isn’t some new concept to me. I have become accustomed to always be moving. There’s always something that needs to be done, a child that needs to be taken to an appt or activity, worship service needs planned, all the things for all the people, and making sure everyone is cared for and happy. And yes, I could stop and drop it all. But you know what that would look like? It would look like my kids not homeschooling anymore and being put into public school. It would look like them not participating in a sport they love. It would look like appointments not being attended, absence from functions, and me just sitting on the couch with nothing to do.
Here’s the thing, even if that were the case? I am willing to guarantee my mind would still not be silent. I am an overthinker by nature. Not only that, but I have this weird balance between thinking about worst case scenarios AND finding the good in everything. And in all actuality, it’s not really a balance at all. It just depends on the day and the moment.
Sometimes, I feel like despite my best intentions, I fail at the little things. In the middle of juggling it all, I still snap at my kids, get annoyed with my husband, cry about my body, drop the ball on showing support for friends, and am left feeling the weight of disappointment and imperfections.
Even for this podcast episode…I took 2 weeks between episodes in order to give myself some breathing room, and yet here I sit at the last minute with so many thoughts in my head that I can’t really formulate one cohesive thought that makes sense. It is broken sentences, broken thoughts, broken pieces of me that I’m scooping together to try my best and get a point across. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because there is always SO much to say that I can’t get one thing out at a time.
Which just means it leaves me feeling frustrated with myself and my seemingly lack of capabilities.
I sure sound like I’m having a pity party right now, huh?
When we take our eyes off of Him, it becomes all about us.
“Who’s offending me?”
“Who hurt me?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“How are others perceiving me?”
“Who am I letting down?”
“How can I make myself happy?”
We all struggle to not be selfish. Is it something to be proud of? No. But is it something we all encounter at some point in life? Yes.
See, in the moments when we begin to take all of life’s problems, whether ours, our children’s, our friends, our country’s, our world’s…whomever, when we take those problems and make it about us, we lose sight of the end goal.
When we focus on the “me” part more than the “Him” then we find ourselves facing a black hole of silence more than leaning into “I AM.”
This is a season seen by many in different ways…
There are those who view it as an opportunity for big box companies to make more than their share of money and feed off of people’s emotions.
There are those who make it their goal to point out that Christmas was not started because that’s when Jesus was born and it was a pagan holiday.
There are also those who find sorrow and sadness as they are reminded of the loved ones, or livelihood, they have lost.
Then there are those who see this season as one filled with hope, faith, joy, peace…
Peace. That’s what I long for. Peace not only in the world, but in my mind, heart, and soul.
But in order to achieve that, I have to realize that it’s not about me. While yes, this holiday season was not started because of the exact time of Jesus’ birth…it IS when we celebrate it.
It’s about a time in history when, after over 400 years of waiting, after years of destruction, pain, confusion…there was this moment that had been foretold hundreds of years before, on more than one occasion, when a King gave up His thrown of honor to come as a humble baby, lying in a feed trough.
He didn’t do it because everyone was behaving themselves. He didn’t do it because people were worshipping Him. Or because the world was at peace.
He also didn’t do it for Himself.
He did it for lost souls. He did it for the mom who struggles every day to keep it together for her family. He did it for the dad who worries over providing for those he loves. He did it for the woman who has been searching for love and only finding heartbreak after heartbreak, rejection after rejection. He did it for the man who drags himself to bed after a night of binging only to start the next day making decisions that leave him feeling empty.
He grew in His mother’s womb…was born in a stable…raised by imperfect humans…knowing what the end result would be…
Not because of anything else except He was the only answer we needed. He already loved us and we weren’t even a blip on the radar yet.
He knew how broken the world would be today. How broken WE would be today. He saw our mistakes, our flaws, our fears.
And came for us. Me and You.
In my loneliest moments. In the times when I have felt at my lowest. Those nights as a young adult when I made decisions that could’ve left me in a state that is completely different from where I am now.
Those times I have been broken, bitter, and betrayed.
He saw past all of my faults and saw my needs.
My need for HIM.
And while yes, I have been saying how it’s not about me, which is true…this can all be said about you, too! And how it still circles back to HIM. It’s always HIM.
I think about when my children were first born. As exhausted as I was during those sleepless nights, whenever they cried out, I was there. As they have grown, each time they have fallen, I’ve been there to pick them up. When they’ve woken from a bad dream or cried over disappointment, I’ve been there to comfort them.
And as a parent, both you and I, we didn’t take any classes to learn how to have that instinct. It’s called instinct for a reason. The definition of instinct is: “a natural or intuitive way of acting or thinking.” Do you know what this says to me? It says that the instinct we have to run to our children in their time of need is something that was given to us from God, Himself.
We were created in His image so it seems pretty obvious that we got that instinct from our Father. He hears our cries, sees when we fall, knows when we need His comfort.
His peace.
Whenever I picked up my babies, even for a simple cuddle, the peace that fell over us both was unexplainable. It was more than service level. My heart was at peace, taking in the sweet moment in time when nothing else mattered or took priority.
That same peace is how I feel when I am struck by feelings of anxiety or overwhelming stress and the Lord breathes to calm the storm.
It’s like the peace that covered the earth when the Christ was born. Do we know how peaceful it was? Of course not, but I can imagine that the world, that was created by His Father, felt the impact, quite literally, as a tiny baby, born to bring salvation, took His first earthly breath.
I recently watched a video from a speaker who had looked into scientific sounds that stars, galaxies, and even sea animals make. It was fascinating! Here's the link:
The bible tells us in Psalm 19:1, that “the heavens declare the glory of God.” Can you imagine joining together with all of God’s creation to declare the glory of God?? In those times when I am struck with fear, anger, paralyzing thoughts, maybe you’ve felt that way as well? If we can force ourselves to be aware of how we are feeling and take a second to step back, shut our mouths, and focus then we can find a moment to breath in the peace that passes all understanding.
As a homeschooling mom, I sometimes feel the need to teach my kids all the things. I see fun things online that others are doing, have my own ideas, see suggestions for extension activities in our curriculum, and add that to the expectations I have for their education, and it can quickly come to a point when I shut down mentally because it is all SO much. It comes from a good place, I recognize that. I want them to enjoy learning and have a different experience than I did. However, it’s so much more than an education when we homeschool. It comes from a spiritual direction and desire to make God the focus of it all. When they were little, we dedicated them back to the Lord and made a promise to raise them to know Him. I want them to know Him in a personal way. Not this idea of a guy in the sky who judges with a heavy hand and is so out of reach that we can never do anything to make Him proud of us. That’s a heavy burden that I willingly pick up and carry. With the understanding that it is not really a burden at all but a gift. A gift to be an example to them. To draw closer to God every day, trudging through the chaos in my head, to focus on the One who brings peace, wisdom, and joy.
Whenever I start to spiral, I have learned over the last few years that it’s typically when I’ve taken my eyes off the One who is walking on the water of my life to take my hand. It could even be for a split second. When I am looking at Him, it doesn’t mean that my mind completely empties, and I do one thing at a time. But it DOES mean I can sit next to the manger and breathe a bit of peace. It means I can redirect my thoughts to be focused on Him. From the God who created me in my mother’s womb to the baby born in a stable, to the man who loved US enough to give His life, to the One who will come back for us.
Because when it comes right down to it. It’s all about HIM. I can’t change all the things going on in the world…well, maybe there are things here and there that I can do my part, of course…but I can’t stop the world from being evil. I can’t drop all my responsibilities. I can’t let down my guard of protecting my children.
But one thing we can all do, in the chaos of the season…of this year…is worship Him. How do we do that? Talk to Him regularly. Trust Him. Love Him by loving others. Bask in His blessings. Lift up the lost and broken.
It is my hope that you are able to find peace this season. TRUE peace that comes in the middle of a chaotic day, that doesn’t fix problems, but gives you strength for the situations you walk through. You are loved, friend. Even when you are a hot mess express, even when you yell at the kids, whine about your husband, stress over life. You are loved, you are chosen, you have a purpose, and it is my prayer that the God who parted the Red Sea and raised the dead, brings you the biggest gift this year. The gift is HIS peace so that you can turn and share it with others.
Hey there! Welcome to the Imperfectly Pollyanna Podcast. I am your host, Courtney. A faith-filled homeschool mom of 2, licensed medical professional, certified health coach, AND eternal optimist. Here at the podcast, we talk about real life, always imperfect but always finding the good. I’m so glad you’re here!
Before we get going today, I wanted to share a very special happening coming this Sunday, December 12th at 7pm CST. I’ll be going live on YouTube with The C.R.O.S.S., which stands for “Christian Reactions on Sociable Saints.” We will be talking about our children, taking them and their education back, as well as much more. I am really excited about this opportunity and would love if you came and said hi, participated in the discussion, and offered support. I’ll be sharing a link on my Facebook and Instagram that you can click on to watch directly.
Ok, so I feel like my head has been so busy lately. Or rather my mind. When I’m driving in the car, lying in bed, reading, watching tv, talking to my kids or husband, at work, no matter where I am or what I’m doing, there are so many thoughts constantly whirling around that I find it next to impossible to focus on the thing at hand. In fact, I have told my family that unless you make it a point to grab my attention, then I will likely not remember anything they’ve said.
This isn’t some new concept to me. I have become accustomed to always be moving. There’s always something that needs to be done, a child that needs to be taken to an appt or activity, worship service needs planned, all the things for all the people, and making sure everyone is cared for and happy. And yes, I could stop and drop it all. But you know what that would look like? It would look like my kids not homeschooling anymore and being put into public school. It would look like them not participating in a sport they love. It would look like appointments not being attended, absence from functions, and me just sitting on the couch with nothing to do.
Here’s the thing, even if that were the case? I am willing to guarantee my mind would still not be silent. I am an overthinker by nature. Not only that, but I have this weird balance between thinking about worst case scenarios AND finding the good in everything. And in all actuality, it’s not really a balance at all. It just depends on the day and the moment.
Sometimes, I feel like despite my best intentions, I fail at the little things. In the middle of juggling it all, I still snap at my kids, get annoyed with my husband, cry about my body, drop the ball on showing support for friends, and am left feeling the weight of disappointment and imperfections.
Even for this podcast episode…I took 2 weeks between episodes in order to give myself some breathing room, and yet here I sit at the last minute with so many thoughts in my head that I can’t really formulate one cohesive thought that makes sense. It is broken sentences, broken thoughts, broken pieces of me that I’m scooping together to try my best and get a point across. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because there is always SO much to say that I can’t get one thing out at a time.
Which just means it leaves me feeling frustrated with myself and my seemingly lack of capabilities.
I sure sound like I’m having a pity party right now, huh?
The week of thanksgiving, my kids and I traveled to the Carolinas to visit family that we only see about every other year. My husband had to stay behind due to his mother having surgery. The first few days, I felt like I couldn’t quite relax. I felt this ongoing tension – not because of anyone or anything in particular. I guess it was just from being so busy lately that my body couldn’t slow down. I was finally able to relax a bit and enjoy time with family. I went adventuring with my kids up the mountain and found items we wanted to bring home to go into our diorama for our Living off the Land unit. I laughed at my son as he made his way to the icy creek just because he wanted a specific stick. I also told him if he fell in, it was on him to get out and walk all the way back to the house no matter how wet he was.
It was a wonderful time with family and when we got back, it was feet to the floor to have our last day of homeschool co-op, 2 programs, eye dr appts, returning to work, sports practices and starting our brand-new Christmas around the World unit.
And THAT is where I find some solitude…or calmness. It’s kinda weird, really. Finding a calmness that happens when I sit down with my kids to do “school.” The thing with this specific unit, or rather the whole curriculum, is the entire morning or day can be full of stress and thinking about all the things that need to get done. But when we sit down together, to gather together, and read the lesson, it’s like there’s a moment that everything focuses.
We are learning about 12 different countries and their traditions around the Christmas holiday season. From Iceland, to Germany, to the Philippines, and North America. We’ve learned about hilarious myths, fun recipes, and even tried our hand at saying Merry Christmas in each language.
Each lesson concludes with a section called “what does the Bible say” and it is in that moment when tears come to the surface and I feel a lump in my throat because it always circles back to God. And because of that, we have a beautiful blanket of peace even for a few moments.
When we take our eyes off of Him, it becomes all about us.
“Who’s offending me?”
“Who hurt me?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“How are others perceiving me?”
“Who am I letting down?”
“How can I make myself happy?”
We all struggle to not be selfish. Is it something to be proud of? No. But is it something we all encounter at some point in life? Yes.
See, in the moments when we begin to take all of life’s problems, whether ours, our children’s, our friends, our country’s, our world’s…whomever, when we take those problems and make it about us, we lose sight of the end goal.
Ironically enough, as I am trying to process the words that I so desperately need to get out and to you, I keep getting interrupted. Interrupted by the phone, texts, the dogs, even needing to go the bathroom. My frustration is SO high right now.
Yet, even in this moment…it seems to be about me. And that’s exactly what I don’t want it to be about.
When we focus on the “me” part more than the “Him” then we find ourselves facing a black hole of silence more than leaning into “I AM.”
This is a season seen by many in different ways…
There are those who view it as an opportunity for big box companies to make more than their share of money and feed off of people’s emotions.
There are those who make it their goal to point out that Christmas was not started because that’s when Jesus was born and it was a pagan holiday.
There are also those who find sorrow and sadness as they are reminded of the loved ones, or livelihood, they have lost.
Then there are those who see this season as one filled with hope, faith, joy, peace…
Peace. That’s what I long for. Peace not only in the world, but in my mind, heart, and soul.
But in order to achieve that, I have to realize that it’s not about me. While yes, this holiday season was not started because of the exact time of Jesus’ birth…it IS when we celebrate it.
It’s about a time in history when, after over 400 years of waiting, after years of destruction, pain, confusion…there was this moment that had been foretold hundreds of years before, on more than one occasion, when a King gave up His thrown of honor to come as a humble baby, lying in a feed trough.
He didn’t do it because everyone was behaving themselves. He didn’t do it because people were worshipping Him. Or because the world was at peace.
He also didn’t do it for Himself.
He did it for lost souls. He did it for the mom who struggles every day to keep it together for her family. He did it for the dad who worries over providing for those he loves. He did it for the woman who has been searching for love and only finding heartbreak after heartbreak, rejection after rejection. He did it for the man who drags himself to bed after a night of binging only to start the next day making decisions that leave him feeling empty.
He grew in His mother’s womb…was born in a stable…raised by imperfect humans…knowing what the end result would be…
Not because of anything else except He was the only answer we needed. He already loved us and we weren’t even a blip on the radar yet.
He knew how broken the world would be today. How broken WE would be today. He saw our mistakes, our flaws, our fears.
And came for us. Me and You.
In my loneliest moments. In the times when I have felt at my lowest. Those nights as a young adult when I made decisions that could’ve left me in a state that is completely different from where I am now.
Those times I have been broken, bitter, and betrayed.
He saw past all of my faults and saw my needs.
My need for HIM.
And while yes, I have been saying how it’s not about me, which is true…this can all be said about you, too! And how it still circles back to HIM. It’s always HIM.
I think about when my children were first born. As exhausted as I was during those sleepless nights, whenever they cried out, I was there. As they have grown, each time they have fallen, I’ve been there to pick them up. When they’ve woken from a bad dream or cried over disappointment, I’ve been there to comfort them.
And as a parent, both you and I, we didn’t take any classes to learn how to have that instinct. It’s called instinct for a reason. The definition of instinct is: “a natural or intuitive way of acting or thinking.” Do you know what this says to me? It says that the instinct we have to run to our children in their time of need is something that was given to us from God, Himself.
We were created in His image so it seems pretty obvious that we got that instinct from our Father. He hears our cries, sees when we fall, knows when we need His comfort.
His peace.
I was thinking about moments in the bible when God’s children needed Him. Obviously there are more stories that we have time to tell today. But have you ever taken the time to look at the ones that aren’t as popular to tell? What about the stories and how they connect to each other throughout history? God never forsakes those who call out to Him. He is the Father that we all need, in the middle of the night, every day, in sorrow and joy.
Whenever I picked up my babies, even for a simple cuddle, the peace that fell over us both was unexplainable. It was more than service level. My heart was at peace, taking in the sweet moment in time when nothing else mattered or took priority.
That same peace is how I feel when I am struck by feelings of anxiety or overwhelming stress and the Lord breathes to calm the storm.
It’s like the peace that covered the earth when the Christ was born. Do we know how peaceful it was? Of course not, but I can imagine that the world, that was created by His Father, felt the impact, quite literally, as a tiny baby, born to bring salvation, took His first earthly breath.
I recently watched a video from a speaker who had looked into scientific sounds that stars, galaxies, and even sea animals make. It was fascinating! In fact, if I can find it again, I’ll link it in the show notes. It’s well worth the watch. But the way they all sounded were just incredible! Then he combined them all together to see what it would sound like and…wow. After some adjusting of the tempos, he added in singing the chorus of “How Great is Our God.” When I tell you I cried…
The bible tells us in Psalm 19:1, that “the heavens declare the glory of God.” Can you imagine joining together with all of God’s creation to declare the glory of God?? In those times when I am struck with fear, anger, paralyzing thoughts, maybe you’ve felt that way as well? If we can force ourselves to be aware of how we are feeling and take a second to step back, shut our mouths, and focus then we can find a moment to breath in the peace that passes all understanding.
As a homeschooling mom, I sometimes feel the need to teach my kids all the things. I see fun things online that others are doing, have my own ideas, see suggestions for extension activities in our curriculum, and add that to the expectations I have for their education, and it can quickly come to a point when I shut down mentally because it is all SO much. It comes from a good place, I recognize that. I want them to enjoy learning and have a different experience than I did. However, it’s so much more than an education when we homeschool. It comes from a spiritual direction and desire to make God the focus of it all. When they were little, we dedicated them back to the Lord and made a promise to raise them to know Him. I want them to know Him in a personal way. Not this idea of a guy in the sky who judges with a heavy hand and is so out of reach that we can never do anything to make Him proud of us. That’s a heavy burden that I willingly pick up and carry. With the understanding that it is not really a burden at all but a gift. A gift to be an example to them. To draw closer to God every day, trudging through the chaos in my head, to focus on the One who brings peace, wisdom, and joy.
Whenever I start to spiral, I have learned over the last few years that it’s typically when I’ve taken my eyes off the One who is walking on the water of my life to take my hand. It could even be for a split second. When I am looking at Him, it doesn’t mean that my mind completely empties, and I do one thing at a time. But it DOES mean I can sit next to the manger and breathe a bit of peace. It means I can redirect my thoughts to be focused on Him. From the God who created me in my mother’s womb to the baby born in a stable, to the man who loved US enough to give His life, to the One who will come back for us.
When that happens, phew, what a relief. I can let go of the burden and just worship the Lord with my actions and words. I can stand with the heavens and earth and give Him priority. I can be an example, the example He calls me to be, for my children and let Him take care of the rest.
Because when it comes right down to it. It’s all about HIM. I can’t change all the things going on in the world…well, maybe there are things here and there that I can do my part, of course…but I can’t stop the world from being evil. I can’t drop all my responsibilities. I can’t let down my guard of protecting my children.
But one thing we can all do, in the chaos of the season…of this year…is worship Him. How do we do that? Talk to Him regularly. Trust Him. Love Him by loving others. Bask in His blessings. Lift up the lost and broken.
In one of my devotionals this week, there was this part of the commentary that stuck out to me. It said, “You become like the God you worship. If we think of God as anger, we will become more angry, if we think of God as judgmental, we become more judgmental, if we worship a God of love, we become more loving. When we experience God’s love lavished on us, we will love like Him.” That’s something to ponder during this Christmas season. When you think of God, how do you picture Him? Do you see Him as a big guy in the sky who towers over us to judge? Or do you see Him as the tiny baby born in a stable, growing into a man who healed the brokenhearted, the sick, the condemned, the unlovable?
It is my hope that you are able to find peace this season. TRUE peace that comes in the middle of a chaotic day, that doesn’t fix problems, but gives you strength for the situations you walk through. You are loved, friend. Even when you are a hot mess express, even when you yell at the kids, whine about your husband, stress over life. You are loved, you are chosen, you have a purpose, and it is my prayer that the God who parted the Red Sea and raised the dead, brings you the biggest gift this year. The gift is HIS peace so that you can turn and share it with others.
I am hoping this podcast finds those needing encouragement, support or community. If that’s you, you’ve found a friend! If you happen to listen to this episode and find a connection in one way or another, would you mind sharing it? The way a podcast gets found is by word of mouth. Also, as I said at the beginning, come and say hi on Sunday, December 12th as I join the conversation as a guest on The C.R.O.S.S. – LIVE beginning at 7pm CST. We are going to be discussing taking our children’s education back, taking our children back, and so much more! I hope to see you there.
I hope you’ll continue showing up as we find the good together. Remember you are loved and I am GLAD you’re here! See you next time!