I’m sure at one point in your life you have felt not good enough. Whether at a skill, a subject, a situation, a relationship, who knows what else. You’ve felt it. The discouragement. Frustration. Maybe even embarrassment? For whatever reason, I have spent my entire life fighting that feeling.
So the question today is: Are WE GOOD enough?
Words matter. What we say to each other but also to ourselves. From childhood encounters to adulthood, each moment has shaped how I have chosen to feel about myself. Words spoken over 20 years ago have haunted me, chased me down, run me over at times.
When you are affected that strongly, it bleeds into other avenues of your life. As a homeschooling mom, I KNOW we made the best decision to learn at home. I have been able to see firsthand when the lightbulb goes off in my child’s eyes as their excitement over learning grows. Being involved in their passions, hearing them help each other, watching them build friendships…it is a wonderful blessing and privilege.
Even then, there is still comparison. The curriculum we have used is not what other friends use. They post or chat about what their kids are accomplishing, and it is at a different level than my own. Is it because my ability to homeschool is not enough? Was I not smart enough to teach them better? Comparison truly is the thief of joy.
Last week, I felt myself fighting those thoughts again.
While in the car alone, I broke down in tears, struggling with my thoughts. Not meeting my own expectations. Asking God if I was ever going to be good enough. I cried out, quite literally, expressing all the things that had taken my mind captive.
Those feelings come and go. But the negative comes in like a tidal wave.
When I began this podcast, it was my hope to bring goodness, light, encouragement to you. I knew that having a social media presence was necessary in order to reach more people. Yet, as I sat scrolling similar accounts, I noticed that they had the perfect images, the perfect verbiage, the best hashtags. The page I shared with friends has not gotten the interactions I would like. All the Nagging Nelly second-guessing-over-thinking-bless-my-pea-picking-heart thoughts were just OOZING in all their negative glory.
There can be a good kind of nagging though.
This weekend I finally read a book that my son has been asking me to read in order for him to have someone to discuss it with as well as he just knew I would love it. And boy did I!
Remember how I said there’s a good type of nagging that the Lord can sometimes do? He uses whatever way he needs to reach out and speak to his children. Reading the excerpt from the page brought forth a gut punch at the right time.
You can listen to the voice of fear or the voice of truth! The voice that says you aren’t good enough OR the voice that says you are COMPLETE.
Which voice will YOU listen to you? I hope you will choose the one who says YOU are perfect and whole. YOU are his. YOU are chosen.
Who do you know that would relate to today's episode? Would you please share it with them? I'd love to connect so make sure to subscribe and then send me a message over at imperfectlypollyanna.com OR you can find me over on social media.
Hey there! Welcome to Imperfectly Pollyanna. A podcast where we have real and honest talk while finding the positive in the imperfections whether in homeschool, faith, health, or overall life. I am your host, Courtney, and I am SO glad you are here!
I’m sure at one point in your life you have felt not good enough. Whether at a skill, a subject, a situation, a relationship, who knows what else. You’ve felt it. The discouragement. Frustration. Maybe even embarrassment? For whatever reason, I have spent my entire life fighting that feeling. I remember being in 6th grade and had gotten a hair cut and a perm. Yes. It’s a regret. Bless my heart. I was walking to class and a fellow classmate yelled out across the parking lot something about how I was much improved. She might have meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one of the cool girls thought I wasn’t pretty enough without it. In high school, the boys I liked never seemed to like me back. I never felt I fit in. Then, when I was 20, I had a best guy friend who’d I’d known since 7th grade. He and I had gone back and forth with liking each other and just wanting to remain friends. It continued through college years. The summer I turned 21, he decided he was tired of waiting for me. That was the time of aol instant messenger – yes, I am aging myself, it is FINE! - and while he thought he was chatting with my best girl friend while I had stepped away, I stood beside her as I read his words of saying he had dated more Godly, more sound, more beautiful women than me. He was angry. He was hurting. And in that moment, his words changed my life. And not for the better. I began spiraling. It wasn’t pretty. I didn’t make the best choices while trying to prove him right or wrong. It took a few years and we reconnected. He apologized and I forgave him. That being said, the words were not erased from my mind. Every time I messed up. Every time I made a mistake, couldn’t figure something out, failed as a Christian…I heard his words over and over in my head.
I was not pretty enough, no smart enough, not Godly enough….I was not enough.
So the question today is: Are WE GOOD enough?
Words matter, friend. The words that have been spouted out of anger, defensiveness, pain, varying opinions, selfishness, greed over the last year? They matter. Posts, news interviews, conversations. All filled with volatile thoughts without pausing to decide if the possible long-term repercussions were worth losing life-long friendships over. Speaking out of emotions is normal. But it does not mean there won’t be consequences. That’s something I try to always teach my children. What we say matters. It can either build someone up or knock the wind out of them. I never want to be the cause of someone feeling less than. Yet, words matter just as much when you speak to yourself.
Like I said, those words spoken over 20 years ago have haunted me, chased me down, run me over at times.
When you are affected that strongly, it bleeds into other avenues of your life. As a homeschooling mom, I KNOW we made the best decision to learn at home. I have been able to see firsthand when the lightbulb goes off in my child’s eyes as their excitement over learning grows. Being involved in their passions, hearing them help each other, watching them build friendships…it is a wonderful blessing and privilege.
Even then, there is still comparison. The curriculum we have used is not what other friends use. They post or chat about what their kids are accomplishing, and it is at a different level than my own. Is it because my ability to homeschool is not enough? Was I not smart enough to teach them better? Comparison truly is the thief of joy.
I have often felt like a failure as a mom. A wife. A sister. A friend. A woman. A believer.
Last week, I felt myself fighting those thoughts again. My kids were having a tough week in homeschool land. I was easily frustrated. Reading social media was not helping. Which, by the way, if you walk around in a state of stress – I highly suggest taking a hiatus from social media. Even if just for the weekends. It will make a difference.
While in the car alone, I broke down in tears, struggling with my thoughts. Not meeting my own expectations. Asking God if I was ever going to be good enough. I cried out, quite literally, expressing all the things that had taken my mind captive. That’s the good thing about God. He already knows our hearts but He loves having communication with his children. He can handle the hard. The ugly. The imperfect.
Those feelings of inadequacies come and go. I have days when I feel at my best. The kids are getting along and succeeding in their learning time. Meals are planned. Clothes are washed. Activities are worked out. My business is active. Even the dogs are behaving!
Then it comes in like a tidal wave. That mean ol’ Nelly Olsen (you know the one, the bully from Little House on the Prairie – I think I could do a whole show on her)…she comes on into my head, nagging away until those negative thoughts start building again. The day doesn’t go as planned, everything seems to fall apart, and about the time you can’t handle anymore, your computer fails and deletes the document you’d been working on all day…oh wait, that’s what happened to me when planning for this episode. Yep. It happened. I had all the things ready and then lovely technology failed me.
When I began this podcast, it was my hope to bring goodness, light, encouragement to you. I knew that having a social media presence was necessary in order to reach more people. Yet, as I sat scrolling similar accounts, I noticed that they had the perfect images, the perfect verbiage, the best hashtags. The page I shared with friends has not gotten the interactions I would like. All the Nagging Nelly second-guessing-over-thinking-bless-my-pea-picking-heart thoughts were just OOZING in all their negative glory.
There can be a good kind of nagging though. Did you know that? I believe that the Lord uses ways to draw us off the ledge.
If you recall from my last episode, my son has gone from hating reading to devouring a specific author’s work. That author is Ted Dekker. He is my absolute FAVORITE author of all time and that’s no exaggeration. His ability to grab you from the moment you read the first page and yank you into a whole other dimension of stories, characters, thoughts is the most incredible talent. He has now written 2 youth series. One with each of his daughters – which I think is pretty cool by itself. My son read the first series last year and adored the characters. However, the most recent series has had him telling his sister it is the best he’s ever read. He has been nagging me to read it because he just needed someone to discuss it with as well as KNEW I would love it. I had no doubt I would, but I kept putting it off.
So, this past Saturday, as we drove to a gymnastics competition, I took the first book with me and began reading. Mind you, just the day before was when I broke down to God about not being enough. I’ll have you know that I read that book for the entire drive and completed it as soon as we got to the hotel. My son wasn’t exaggerating. It was SO GOOD!! So good, in fact, that I’ll put a link in the show notes for you to go check it out yourself. It follows a young orphan girl by the name of Millie who goes from an awful home situation into a mysterious world where she discovers there’s more to her than she ever imagined or could believe.
Remember how I said there’s a good type of nagging that the Lord can sometimes do? He uses whatever way he needs to reach out and speak to his children. I’m going to read you a short excerpt from the book. I’m pretty sure you will know where my head went as I read the words on the page…
“You have a choice, Millie. You can listen to the voice of fear, which says you aren’t enough and are in terrible danger. Or you can listen to the voice of truth, which says you are complete as you are and never in danger of being less. All your worries, insecurities, doubts, and fears come back to the one simple question: which voice will you listen to?”
Wow. Talk about a gut punch at the right time.
The Great Teacher is speaking to her in this moment. He goes on to say over and over again:
“I call you mine. Perfect and whole. My love for you is bigger than the universe and longer than the life of a star. I call you mine, perfect and whole. You are chosen.”
Friend, in those moments when you feel the weight of life on your shoulders. Those moments when you doubt your worth. Those moments when you feel like a complete failure. You question if God even hears your cries or cares you are alive. You have a choice. You can listen to the voice of fear. The voice that says you aren’t good enough. OR you can listen to the voice of TRUTH. The voice that says you are COMPLETE. All of your worries. Your insecurities. Your doubts. Your fears. It all comes down to that same question…
Which voice will YOU listen to you? I hope you will choose the one who says YOU are perfect and whole. YOU are his. YOU are chosen.
WE. ARE. CHOSEN. You and I. Let the weight of that sink in for a second.
It doesn’t matter what this world says about you. The hard days will happen. We are human and will make mistakes. There will be days when life seems unfair and we just don’t understand why life has to be so hard.
Last week was difficult. But I’ve had worse. This week? Well, this week we’ve had a different outlook. We’ve laughed at our math book. We’ve cheered at new reading abilities! We’ve had successes that shadow last week’s struggles.
In Ephesians 2 verse 10 it says, “For we are his workmanship.” In other versions it says, “we are his masterpiece.” This means we were chosen. Created. Thought of. Planned. It means we have a purpose and when we have purpose, we can have peace that we are truly enough.
So the question today was “are we good enough.” When you put your hope in the world and expect to be accepted based on meeting expectations either from your friends or from yourself, you are destined to be let down. You will never measure up. However, what the world thinks is not what determines your worth. You are good enough, not because of what you do or say. You are MORE than good enough because there is a Creator who breathed life into your lungs before you were even born. A Creator who sees you as whole, perfect, chosen. A Creator that sees your struggles, insecurities, doubts, mistakes and calls you HIS.
Negative Nelly may come back bantering in your head from time to time. But when that happens, remind yourself whose you are. Then put Nelly in the corner.
**I am hoping this podcast finds its way to someone who may be needing some positivity with her faith, homeschool, health or life. If that’s you, you’ve found a friend who understands. If you have someone in mind that might relate, please share this podcast with her.
I’d love to connect so make sure to subscribe and then send me a quick hello over to imperfectlypollyanna.com! I’ve put that in the show notes for you. Remember, you are loved and I am GLAD you are here. See you next time!