Hey there! Welcome to Imperfectly Pollyanna. A podcast where we have real and honest talk while finding the positive in the imperfections. I am your host, Courtney, and I am SO glad you are here!
Have you ever had plans for your life that just didn’t work out like you expected? Today I’d like to chat about a topic that is a huge passion of mine. Homeschooling. But not only that, I want to share about what to do when things get thrown down the drain.
Our community has seen a GIGANTIC influx of families searching for help due to being thrown into a world of learning from home. Whether they chose the path of school at home, an online virtual school, or the traditional homeschool route…people have been desperate for help. Granted, some have said they had already been considering it where others were not happy at all at this unplanned and uncontrolled decision that was made for them due to the 2020 pandemic. So, the question today is…
Can there be GOOD in the UNEXPECTED?
As I grew and thought of my future children, I always had this idea in my head of what it would look like for them…assuming they’d attend the same schools as I did and doing the similar activities with fun experiences they’d cherish for years to come. I wanted them to have a biblical foundation. I wanted to have those same memories with them of ME being the “field trip parent.”
So much of what I had in my mind was of my OWN desires. My OWN plan.
Once our oldest was born, and nearing the time of school age, my husband and I started discussing options. We couldn’t afford my old private school. We made too much for financial aid and not enough to afford the insane monthly tuition, on top of books and activity costs. I was crushed. I had in my head that if things were not exactly how I had pictured, then my child – and future children – were destined to become heathens.
As if the choice of school was the only thing to determine that.
But in our discussions, my husband and I brought up the idea of homeschooling. What would I do when I didn’t understand the material? What if I didn’t meet the standard requirements? What if I just wasn’t good enough? And the biggest fear: What. If. I. Fail. Him????
Could I really do it, though? At the time I was working full time, doing a 12-hour shift that tended to last up to 16 hours some days. My husband was also working full time and our parents helped with our son when we were both working.
All I knew was that the world was cruel and, understandably, I wanted to protect the child we had worked so hard to get. What if he ended up being the weirdo that people categorize homeschoolers? What about missing out on all the things I thought kids should get to experience growing up? What about friends? Extracurricular activities? And the ongoing question ANYONE asks: How WILL he socialize?!
Once we looked into our state’s homeschool laws, we decided to give it a try one year at a time. It was FUN! Until it wasn’t.
Until my son cried because he HATED coloring. He hated sitting still. Hated worksheets. Had no interest in what we were doing anymore.
I was frustrated and discouraged. I felt like I had failed, and we weren’t even halfway through the year.
So I threw out the curriculum. Went back to trying to have FUN with my kid.
Until it wasn’t. AGAIN.
I went back to my “buddy”, my sister-in-law, in desperation. I feared I had failed him again and now he would need to go to “regular school” but would be behind. I had let him down.
Howevver, from there, things began to look up.
Have we had a smooth road ever since? Absolutely not.
Are we still using the same curriculum 6 years later? Also, no.
In fact, it took us several years of switching things around to find our own groove. About the time that happened, along came little sister who was totally opposite in her learning style.
I struggle every single year, multiple times, with fighting the worry that I am not doing enough for my kids. I compare them to other homeschooling families. Even to public school kids. I have wondered if I should’ve done something different all those years ago. Maybe just sucked up the fear of “regular school” and gone that route.
However, I can tell you now with confidence that after the train wreck that was 2020, I believe the decision we made 7 years ago to do this “just one year at a time” was truly God preparing us and protecting these children He gave us to raise. 100%.
See, my job as their mother is not to simply raise them to “fit in” to society’s expectations. My job is to raise them to be functioning adults by the time they are 18. My job is to teach them how to be independent, kind humans. My job? Is to raise them to know the Lord and let Him guide them. That, my friend, is the main reason I homeschool now.
Maybe you’ve chosen to homeschool or you were forced to do some sort of school at home. I will tell you that those two things? Are NOT the same. Completely different worlds, honestly. Anyone who is in the wellness field will tell you that if you work at a computer all day then you are at a higher risk for certain health issues so it is important to get up and move. When a baby is neglected from human touch, studies have shown there is a change in their brain chemistry. Yes, I know that this was not under our control. Yet, we’ve allowed fear to control how our children are being raised. There is a difference between being wise and fearful.
Things that happen outside of what we think they should always be - a lot of times are the things we need to let go.
I do my own mom-school. In fact, it is because of our new normal that I showed my kids how to have an interest, research it, and work hard to accomplish it…and that interest for me was this podcast.
As parents, we must find what works best for us and our children. I’m pretty sure it never ends up being what we originally planned.
This doesn’t mean we failed. Quite the opposite really. It is by being willing to pivot when something isn’t working that shows our children what it means to learn from mistakes and make better choices. It shows them how to be resilient.
I know many say “Well, homeschooling isn’t for me” or “I could never homeschool.” This year, I have read social media posts, one after another, about admiring homeschool moms because they could never do what we do, and they are losing their minds over virtual school. Like I said earlier, those two things are NOT the same. I will also tell you that this year has not been a cake walk for homeschoolers either with things shut down, including co-ops. There is no judgement for those who didn’t want to choose this route and are full of bitterness and frustration.
I want you to know, if you are struggling with homeschooling or virtual school. Maybe you are struggling just feeling like a good parent in general because the world seems to be going down in flames. Guess what? That is a LIE.
You CAN do this. You are fully capable. I believe that ANYONE can homeschool – as in the traditional route – if given the right support and resources.
When we let go, and let God, He can make things possible we couldn’t even imagine.
Be encouraged. Just about the time you think all hope is lost and you have failed your children. That’s when the real growth begins and you might just be pleasantly surprised at the GOOD that comes out of it all.
While we started with the question: Can there be GOOD in the UNEXPECTED? The better question would be: Are you willing to SEE it?
I am hoping this podcast finds its way to someone who may be needing some positivity with her faith, homeschool, health or life. If that’s you, you’ve found a friend who understands. If you have someone in mind that might relate, please share this podcast with her.
I’d love to connect so make sure to subscribe and then send me a quick hello over to imperfectlypollyanna.com! Remember, you are loved and I am GLAD you are here. See you next time!
Hey there! Welcome to Imperfectly Pollyanna. A podcast where we have real and honest talk while finding the positive in the imperfections. I am your host, Courtney, and I am SO glad you are here!
Have you ever had plans for your life that just didn’t work out like you expected? I feel pretty confident in assuming you are shaking your head yes. Today I’d like to chat about a topic that is a huge passion of mine. Homeschooling. But not only that, I want to share about what to do when things get thrown down the drain – figuratively because literally would be a whole other podcast, lol. Our community has seen a GIGANTIC influx of families searching for help due to being thrown into a world of learning from home. Whether they chose the path of school at home, an online virtual school, or the traditional homeschool route…people have been desperate for help. Granted, some have said they had already been considering it where others were not happy at all at this unplanned and uncontrolled decision that was made for them due to the 2020 pandemic. So, the question today is…
Can there be GOOD in the UNEXPECTED?
I grew up in a Pastor’s home. I was lucky enough to have parents who were able to be present for all the things…as a pre-teen I thought it was “super uncool” to have a dad that was known as the “field trip dad” but I grew to secretly love it because I knew everyone loved him and simply saw how wonderful he was to be around.
I went to a private, Christian school where my graduating 8th grade class was something like 24 or 26. They didn’t have a high school at the time, so I went from a small pond to a big one with a freshman class of over 400! I loved both experiences – well, except for the typical childhood angst. At the private school, I remember the weekly chapels, bible classes, musicals with the classic “Christian school choreography.” If you’re not familiar, picture this: A whole lot of palms going up and down like bird wings, fingers pointing to the sky, and scrawny arms making rainbow like patterns in the air. It’s still something that makes me giggle with fondness.
In high school, I enjoyed more musicals, making a lot of friends, and of course…there were the boys. Lots of them. We had church camp, dances, and of course graduation.
As I grew and thought of my future children, I always had this idea in my head of what it would look like for them…assuming they’d attend the same schools. Doing the similar activities with fun experiences they’d cherish for years to come. I wanted them to have a biblical foundation. I wanted to have those same memories with them of ME being the “field trip parent.”
So much of what I had in my mind was of my OWN desi res. My OWN plan.
Did you hear that? ……Yep. That was God laughing. If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Truly a “bless your heart” situation. Well, a “bless MY heart” one.
Once our oldest was born, and nearing the time of school age, my husband and I started discussing options. He grew up going to a catholic school. We both had our pros and cons to share. There were a lot of…strong opinions shared, let’s just say. I was so determined to stick to my plan! Almost to a point of feeling desperate and panicky!
We couldn’t afford my old private school. We made too much for financial aid and not enough to afford the insane monthly tuition, on top of books and activity costs. I was crushed. I had in my head that if things were not exactly how I had pictured, then my child – and future children – were destined to become heathens.
As if the choice of school was the only thing to determine that.
But in our discussions, my husband and I brought up the idea of homeschooling. I had cousins who had grown up being homeschooled – and to this day are some incredibly kind, successful, and smart young adults! My brother’s family homeschools 4 children. They had the oldest 2 at the time we were considering it. I was always in awe of their dedication and creativity – something I was SURE I did not have.
While visiting with them, we sat at the local Pizza Hut and I mentioned our concerns about sending our son to school. I don’t remember every little detail about that conversation, but what I DO recall is telling them my fears…What would I do when I didn’t understand the material? I mean, math is NOT my forte! What if I didn’t meet the standard requirements? What if I just wasn’t good enough? And the biggest fear: What. If. I. Fail. Him????
I can still hear my sister-in-law sweetly respond that I would not fail him because I was his biggest cheerleader and the one who wanted him to succeed more than anyone in the world. She understood that feeling and let me know I wasn’t the first mom to ever have those worries.
Could I really do it, though? At the time I was working full time, doing a 12-hour shift that tended to last up to 16 hours some days. My husband was also working full time and our parents helped with our son when we were both working.
All I knew was that the world was cruel and, understandably, I wanted to protect the child we had worked so hard to get. I also knew that while I couldn’t put him in a bubble and keep him from the world, I refused to allow him to be exposed to things that went directly against what we believed was appropriate. Then again, what if he ended up being the weirdo that people categorize homeschoolers? What about missing out on all the things I thought kids should get to experience growing up? What about friends? Extracurricular activities? And the ongoing question ANYONE asks: How WILL he socialize?!
So, what did I do next? I prayed. And asked my sister-in-law TONS of questions. I’m not kidding when I say she has been my lifeline so many times over the years. If you’re currently or considering homeschooling, find a buddy. It’s worth it, I promise.
Once we looked into our state’s homeschool laws and found that it was not required to be in school until age 7, we decided to simply take one year at a time. Starting with kindergarten.
After that, I began reading a book called 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum by Cathy Duffy. She explained how to find out what type of learning style your child has, what kind of idea you (as a parent) have for style, and then offers suggestions of curriculum. If you would like to check it out, it’s usually available at your local library.
I started out with My Father’s World. I loved that it had biblical foundations, each week centered around a theme, lots of games, coloring, cut and pasting. It was exactly what I had in mind. I then got posters laminated, a desk organized, school supplies, went to the teacher’s store for more items to decorate the walls and turn a corner of his room into “school.” I took pictures of his first day, his first crafts, even his little worksheets. I added them to memory books and proudly posted to social media of all the things we were doing. It was FUN!
Until it wasn’t.
Until my son cried because he HATED coloring. He hated sitting still. Hated worksheets. Had no interest in what we were doing anymore.
I was frustrated and discouraged. I felt like I had failed, and we weren’t even halfway through the year.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to be someone that holds myself to a higher standard than anyone else. I beat myself up when I feel I can’t do something right. I have had struggles of talking down and verbally reprimanding myself over things I felt others would expect me to succeed at.
Honestly, I think that’s a way I’ve learned to protect myself. I judge myself harder and quicker in order to basically beat anyone to the punch. Does that make sense? Logically, I KNOW this isn’t how it should be. If I were to have a friend telling me these same words about herself, I would look at her and say “that is uncalled for, don’t talk that way to my friend. You are an incredible human being that doesn’t deserve cruel words.”
Yet, true to the podcast name…I am imperfect. I will never claim to be anything other than that.
So I threw out the curriculum. Went back to trying to have FUN with my kid. I sat with the little boy who loved me to read classic stories and would have full on belly laughs at my dramatic interpretations of characters and their dialogue. We went on outdoor adventures. Enjoyed days at the park. Outlined our bodies on the warm concrete with sidewalk chalk and then giggled at how colorful our hands had become.
And I could breathe again.
First grade, I saw this as “go time.” It was my chance to start again. I found a curriculum on sale from another homeschool mom and decided THIS WAS OUR YEAR!”
Until it wasn’t. AGAIN.
My son wanted to read and, in my desire, to help him accomplish that – after all, wasn’t it time for that milestone to happen?! – we both ended up in tears multiple times a week. He hated the worksheets. Hated writing. Hated that he wasn’t able to do what I kept telling him he could.
We both dreaded “school time.”
I went back to my “buddy”, my sister-in-law, in desperation. I feared I had failed him again and now he would need to go to “regular school” but would be behind. I had let him down.
In her wise and experienced voice, she shared things I had never known…boys typically develop slower than girls when it comes to reading and writing…there was something about being 7 in a child’s brain that clicked…She encouraged me to take a break from that subject. When I was ready, she suggested a curriculum called All About Spelling as it worked with one of her own struggling spellers.
He turned 7 that summer and I switched to that curriculum. I followed the instructions to a T – ONLY doing 20 min a day, changing the environment where we learned which ended up being on his bunk bed, and read exactly the verbiage I was to say with each lesson.
Guess what?? It was truly like a lightbulb went off. He not only began reading and spelling but he asked to do longer lessons…asked to do MORE lessons at a time! I mean, whaaaat???
From there, things began to look up.
Have we had a smooth road ever since? Absolutely not.
Are we still using the same curriculum 6 years later? Also, no.
In fact, it took us several years of switching things around to find our own groove. About the time that happened, along came little sister who was totally opposite in her learning style.
I struggle every single year, multiple times, with fighting the worry that I am not doing enough for my kids. I compare them to other homeschooling families. Even to public school kids. I have wondered if I should’ve done something different all those years ago. Maybe just sucked up the fear of “regular school” and gone that route. In fact, just this morning, I woke up with a racing heart and multiple things on my mind – one of which, was worrying over my daughter and where she is with reading.
However, I can tell you now with confidence that after the train wreck that was 2020, I believe the decision we made 7 years ago to do this “just one year at a time” was truly God preparing us and protecting these children He gave us to raise. 100%.
See, my job as their mother is not to simply raise them to “fit in” to society’s expectations. My job is to raise them to be functioning adults by the time they are 18. My job is to teach them how to be independent, kind humans. My job? Is to raise them to know the Lord and let Him guide them. That, my friend, is the main reason I homeschool now.
Maybe you’ve chosen to homeschool or you were forced to do some sort of school at home. I will tell you that those two things? Are NOT the same. Completely different worlds, honestly. I cannot imagine the stress of the parents as well as the children who have been living in a learning environment this past year that has been toxic to their mental well-being. Kids are not made to not have human connection, no true interactions, sitting staring at a screen for hours on end or not being able to see their teachers and friends facial expressions. Shoot, neither are adults. Anyone who is in the wellness field will tell you that if you work at a computer all day then you are at a higher risk for certain health issues so it is important to get up and move. When a baby is neglected from human touch, studies have shown there is a change in their brain chemistry. Yes, I know that this was not under our control. Yet, we’ve allowed fear to control how our children are being raised. There is a difference between being wise and fearful. I pray to always know the difference.
Homeschool for me started out as something I saw as the only option.
And ya’ know what? I still see it that way.
Things that happen outside of what we think they should always be - a lot of times are the things we need to let go.
That school room I tried to create? It is now gone and in its place is the kitchen table, the living room couch, the sidewalk, and basically anywhere we want.
The curriculum I thought I needed for my kids to succeed? It is now gone and in its place is laughter and love of learning.
The mom I thought I HAD to be to succeed at homeschooling? She sometimes creeps in, spouting off expectations and worry.
But she is also now someone who has begun to learn right alongside her kids. I do my own mom-school. In fact, it is because of our new normal that I showed my kids how to have an interest, research it, and work hard to accomplish it…and that interest for me was this podcast.
As parents, we must find what works best for us and our children. I’m pretty sure it never ends up being what we originally planned.
This doesn’t mean we failed. Quite the opposite really. It is by being willing to pivot when something isn’t working that shows our children what it means to learn from mistakes and make better choices. It shows them how to be resilient.
I know many say “Well, homeschooling isn’t for me” or “I could never homeschool.” This year, I have read social media posts, one after another, about admiring homeschool moms because they could never do what we do, and they are losing their minds over virtual school. Like I said earlier, those two things are NOT the same. I will also tell you that this year has not been a cake walk for homeschoolers either with things shut down, including co-ops. There is no judgement for those who didn’t want to choose this route and are full of bitterness and frustration.
I want you to know, if you are struggling with homeschooling or virtual school. Maybe you are struggling just feeling like a good parent in general because the world seems to be going down in flames. Guess what? That is a LIE.
You CAN do this. You are fully capable. I believe that ANYONE can homeschool – as in the traditional route – if given the right support and resources.
What I saw at the beginning of how homeschool life should look like and how it does now are so opposite ends of the spectrum.
By failing at my own expectations, I was able to open to a whole world of new possibilities. Not only for my children, but for my marriage and myself.
When we let go, and let God, He can make things possible we couldn’t even imagine.
Remember that little kindergarten boy who hated coloring and worksheets and all the things? The boy who I thought would never learn to read much less enjoy it?
He now ravishes any book I give him by certain authors. As in, takes the books in the car wherever we go and has even admitted to sneaking in a chapter after he’s already been tucked into bed.
He has found a love of drawing and has made some incredible flip books.
I read a wonderful thing several weeks ago online to mothers who worry about their kids growing up in the world today. She shared that we shouldn’t fear because God knew they would be born in such a time as this. They were CREATED for this time. What an absolute honor we have to be raising tiny humans that are destined for greatness.
Be encouraged. Just about the time you think all hope is lost and you have failed your children. That’s when the real growth begins and you might just be pleasantly surprised at the GOOD that comes out of it all.
While we started with the question: Can there be GOOD in the UNEXPECTED? The better question would be: Are you willing to SEE it?
I am hoping this podcast finds its way to someone who may be needing some positivity with her faith, homeschool, health or life. If that’s you, you’ve found a friend who understands. If you have someone in mind that might relate, please share this podcast with her.
I’d love to connect so make sure to subscribe and then send me a quick hello over to imperfectlypollyanna.com! I’ve put that in the show notes for you. Remember, you are loved and I am GLAD you are here. See you next time!